How Long Does It Take to Get Over Someone?

Quick Answer

Getting over someone typically takes 3–6 months for most people. A study in The Journal of Positive Psychology found that most people feel significantly better within about 3 months of a breakup. Deeper relationships, divorces, or particularly painful endings can take 6–12 months or longer.

Recovery Timeline

Phase	Timeframe	What to Expect
Acute distress	Weeks 1–4	Shock, denial, intense sadness, difficulty sleeping or eating
Emotional processing	Months 1–3	Waves of sadness and anger, gradual return to routines
Adjustment	Months 3–6	Less frequent emotional episodes, rebuilding identity
Acceptance and growth	Months 6–12	Emotional stability, new perspective, readiness to move forward

The Stages of Getting Over Someone

Stage 1: Denial and Shock (Weeks 1–2)

The initial period often feels surreal. You may check your phone for their messages, replay conversations, or expect them to come back. This is a normal protective response that buffers you from the full emotional impact.

Stage 2: Intense Emotions (Weeks 2–6)

Once denial fades, the full weight of the loss arrives:

• Sadness and grief — Crying, feeling empty, or missing them intensely
• Anger — Frustration at them, yourself, or the situation
• Bargaining — Wondering "what if" and replaying what could have been different
• Physical symptoms — Disrupted sleep, loss of appetite, fatigue

Stage 3: Gradual Recovery (Months 2–4)

Emotional waves become less frequent and less intense. You re-engage with your life — spending time with friends, returning to hobbies, thinking about the future more than the past.

Stage 4: Acceptance (Months 4–6+)

You can think about the person without intense pain. You may feel gratitude for the good parts while accepting why it ended. The memories no longer control your emotions.

Factors That Affect Recovery Time

Relationship length — Longer relationships create deeper attachments. A rough guideline is one month of recovery for every year together.

How it ended — Sudden breakups, infidelity, or being blindsided take longer to process than mutual decisions.

Attachment style — People with anxious attachment tend to struggle longer, while avoidant individuals may suppress emotions initially and face them later.

Social support — Strong friend and family networks lead to faster recovery.

Shared circumstances — Seeing your ex regularly (workplace, friend group, co-parenting) slows recovery by preventing emotional distance.

Healthy Coping Strategies

• Allow yourself to grieve — Suppressing emotions delays recovery
• Cut contact for at least 30–60 days — No texting, social media checking, or "friendly" check-ins
• Unfollow or mute on social media — Seeing their posts triggers rumination
• Lean on your support network — Talk to friends, family, or a therapist
• Maintain routines — Consistent sleep, exercise, and meals stabilize mood
• Exercise regularly — Physical activity releases endorphins and reduces stress hormones
• Journal your thoughts — Writing helps process emotions and track recovery

What Slows Recovery

• Staying in contact or trying to be "just friends" too soon
• Rebound relationships — Using someone new to avoid processing the loss
• Stalking their social media — Every check restarts the emotional cycle
• Idealizing the relationship — Remembering only the good times distorts reality
• Self-blame — Obsessing over what you did wrong keeps you stuck

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider talking to a therapist if:

• Intense distress persists beyond 6 months without improvement
• Daily functioning is impaired — missing work or withdrawing from all social contact
• You have thoughts of self-harm or feel that life isn't worth living
• You can't stop obsessive thoughts about your ex despite genuine efforts